her story

2011-03-24T13:05:00.001+08:00

I'm liking this simple but nice blog template :)

Today I just felt like searching for some meaningful quotes & doing some self-reflection:

http://www.lifequote4free.com/quotes/quotes-to-live-by/

Doing as much good as one can, I think that's quite a noble aspiration because it isn't an easy task. It would probably be easier to start small - doing good for your family.

For me, I am not the ideal type of family member everyone wishes to have. I'm not as patient & nice as I am when outside. I guess it's just the usual theory of how we treat those who're closer to us for granted while we treat outsiders so much nicely. But in times of need, our family would always be the first to be there for us.

And so... I resolve to be a better family member. haha=) Besides continuing my thank-you's and show of appreciation to my family, I need to keep my temper in check too, esp to my dad. Really, he is the best dad around. Sometimes when the sudden moodswing comes and I just snap or get upset over small little things, he doesn't blame me and still continues to reply me in the friendly way. A high level of tolerance, because of love. And that's what I need to learn. I shall be more understanding and do my best to change for the better
Only after this, can I then move on to do more good deeds on a larger scale, to close friends, or even strangers who're worth the while.

http://weheartit.com/entry/7113947

Any wishes to become the perfect and ideal person around?

Sometimes for me, I do think about what it would be like if I were someone esle, someone with characteristics and a perosnality I could mould. Someone who is picture-perfect, with the ideal qualities and everything in my own definition.

But actually I feel, deep in each & every one of us, there will always remain the true self that never changes along with the outer self. That inner characteristic will follow us throughout our lives, and that's what that makes each one distinctive & unique.

Along the way in life, we all change, due to experiences or because of influences from surrounding people & the environment. Change is present everywhere. It's all about AdaptAbility. This is also the title of the book that I read some time ago, and I chose the book because I was lacking in that area.

I don't have the ability to resist changes, but I take a longer time in comparison to adapt to new situations that I may appear hostile. Probably it is just a shield of mine to hide myself while I try to get use to things. It is during those times when I feel vulnerable, like someone lost and always thinking back about the past. Transitions are never always that smooth for me. Besides those transitions, there are similar times where I just shrink away because I don't know what is the correct thing to do at the point of time. And this leads to misunderstandings that people have of me I guess, because I tend to appear unapproachable, rude and unfriendly instead. Hmm.. so this has to change too. I will... strive to be braver, so that I'll have the courage to overcome difficulties/challenges/obstacles in life which would include new situations, and present my real self.

http://www.funonthenet.in/content/view/334/31/

Switching one's attitude can change a devastating situation to a hopeful one.

Having a positive outlook of life brings about many benefits and most important of them of, it contributes to good health.Probably due to my fluctuating moodswings becasue of my worries, everything is just showing on my face ><>

Okay, so now my health situation is improving (at least slightly), I'm on my way to recovery, and I hope my complexion & health improves too. They're a good indicator of how successful I am in changing the way I view things positively.

That's all.=)

2011-03-23T12:42:00.006+08:00

Hello and I'm back:)

March is ending very soon, so I thought I should update and sum everything up.

The two 'obstacles' I mentioned about earlier - 4th & 9th March, are over.

Let's start with 4th March first.
A level 2010 result was released on that day.
It felt like a normal day, just like the O level result day 2 years ago.
The morning was about smses and best wishes.
Actually, my family and I weren't really very very anxious about my results. If it was the only major thing/event, I think my family would be busy discussing how I would do beforehand.
But my mind (and theirs) were filled up by health issues that the results were secondary, although very important as well.
Anyway, made my way back to NJ in the afternoon, and I felt the homely feeling I once felt when I returned back to Amkss previously. I wonder if such a feeling would gradually disappear after a while. Side-track: planning to go back to amkss with joy this friday. It has been a rather long time since I went back, so I'm looking forward.=) just worrying about the knees though. okay, back to 4th March first.
Results released. After signing out for my documents, I still didnt know my results. Haha, it's so different from O levels. I can remember getting my results after sitting down at the teacher's desk. But this time, even after leaving the desk, I was thinking 'where do I see my results?'
So i looked into the plastic folder and searched for the results slip amidst the testimonials and cca records.
ta-da. saw my results.
I'm really really thankful & happy.=)
Yupp, a tiny, very little wish was to hope for a 'perfect' earlier on.
However, the results i got was the best combination. personal feeling.
The happiest thing would be having my parents & brother being proud of me.
In the past, I definitely didn't think I could do it.
Either the lack of confidence, or I just felt that it was too hard.
And so accomplishing what I previously thought I couldnt do was such a great feeling.
I did work hard for A levels, much more than O levels, but ofcourse there would always be so much more room for improvement.
I can remeber in the beginning of the year, my brother and I were talking about books. (academic-related books. haha, my brother just loves such books, he could open a bookstore)
SO i mentioned campbell biology textbook, and he asked 'how much did you read?'
I guiltily replied 'erm..a few pages? hehe...'
And he showed me the 'only-a-few-pages-and-you-took-your-A-levels-already'.
Oh no. I know I didnt work as hard as I could, sometimes it's just plain laziness...and that's why I am extra-thankful, probably extra-lucky too.

Would want to take the opportunity say my 'thank you's too.
(all my quotation signs are weird/wrong, and I am still wondering when is it right to start a sentence with the word 'but'? Previously I thought it was always wrong to start with 'but', but I realised there are exceptions too. What are they? I should find out soon.)

I want to thank...
my parents!
they were ultra-nice (usually they are very nice too) to me esp during the exam period.
my dad fetched and sent me everywhere I went (it's a usual for examination period, but adding on my injury, the time & effort he spent on me increased.) Fed me lots of food and provided the best condition for me at home. (and as a result I balloon-ed ><)
my mum gave me all the medicated plasters and massages, plus nice encouraging words.
lots of moral suppport.
And definitely, not forgetting my gor gor!Academic-wise, he is my no.1 helper.
He told me he went through JC twice because of me. hahaha. very true.
I am just so lucky and fortunate, right?
Thank you gor for being so understanding and helpful, not giving up on me till the last moments. (the nights before the exam I would be asking some question and he would try to control his shocked feeling and explain it nicely, taking out notes and stuff to help in whatever way he could. really appreciated that!)
on the topic of siblings, quarrels and unhappiness between them is really inevitable.
Previous months my brother has been working, and so the number of quarrels dropped alot since the contact time decreased. But last week was the March holidays and we squabbled all the way from mon to fri. hahaha. poor dad who had to be the nice mediator.
and last but not least, thank you to my close friends as well.
I do have many friends, but not many true or close ones. just a few, but friendship is about quality, not quantity too.
Oh, and I was touched to receive the envelope form amkss 4/5.
Really appreciated that.

And I'm glad that my results cheered everyone in the family up.
If not for the other problems, it would have been perfect.
well well, nothing is ever perfect.

okay, so that's about all for 4th March.
I sent in my university applicaton already.
There seem to be a lot of courses right? But the number that I could put under my consideration was little, since the others were not in my interest areas.
I just hope I made the right choice once more, just as how I did for Amkss and Njc.

NEXT. 9th March.
the day i looked forward to since so long ago.
Went to ktp hospital with my parents. The environment is nice and comfy, okay, although I dont think anybody wants to visit unless necessary.
Felt more anxious about the MRI results, it really felt like it could change my entire life at that moment. Sounds exaggerating,but most of the time, we can only understand if we are in the same pair of shoes itself.
AFter entering the doctor's room, I sat down and straight way, read the piece of paper placed on the table while the doctor started to ask me questions.
I was very distracted because that piece of paper was my report. And so after reading the first few lines I was sooooooooooooooooo relieved.=)
Only then did I really concentrate on the doctor and his questions. haha.
Nice and confident doctor, I like how he said 'as good as yours and mine' and 'she'll be well soon' to my parents.
That was just so comforting.
Okay, so the major 'stuff' in my knees are okay, but I overstrained the sides, plus genetics-related kneecap problem.
I started my physio sessions already, both for my knees and elbow.
yes, elbow too. grrrr. so many problems but I'll recover soon.
sigh... a bad pe year last year for me, but at least, a good academic year.
Self-discipline and hard work is essential for recovery.
I'll do all it takes for a recovery, just cant wait to be able to lead back a normal and at least more active lifestyle.
My mum was commenting how my quality of life dropped drastially and I feel like a hermit crab.><
I feel a little better already, but building up on thigh muscles plus exercises isn't a short term thing. I have to learn to be more patient.
And through this episode, I value my health much more and more importantly, have been making the changes to my lifestyle.
That's definitely more important than simply saying 'I know that health is important'.
I'm feeling much healthier and the balloon-ing during last year went away!
I have still a long way to go, but with consistent and consciencous effort, I hope to achieve even better health.
And that's the one positive thing that came up.
While I still feel the slight unhappiness, esp times when I have to consider if I am fit enough to go out and move around just like others, I am still thankful I am in a much better situation than I thought.

Done with my report.
oooohh. so many words it feels like I am typing an essay.
I don't think anyone would read through this entire thing, but it would be a good memory to keep here so that when I came back many years later I can read how I was like at this time.

There's a need to be patient. haha. I just can't wait to achieve full recovery!
then my life could be more active and lively.
photos will tell so much more than words right?
that's how I feel when i view the entries of others.
Okay, probably in the future I will improve the way I blog, not just words.
But for now, I got to work hard.

Good health isn't easy to achieve at all.

2011-03-01T11:33:00.003+08:00

MARCH - The month of anticipation and results.

To me, it is such an important month.
What comes would either make me feel better, or serve as a challenge for me, probably one of the biggest challenges ever?

A level results release this friday, & my MRI scan result on the 9th.
Before all the other problems, A levels was probably the biggest thing.
However now, I am more curious about my scan result instead.

Among all the unhappy things and disappointing news in the family, how I too wish for a happy news that could cheer all of us up and motivate me further.
Will it happpen? I will have to wait and see.
As the wait goes on, all the wild thoughts & questions will continue to flood me, before I ever get my answers.
And as mum says, 'Everything has been done. You can't change anything.'
Yupp very true, so it will be just a wait to see how everything went.

Oftenly, I would always think how nice it would be for me to wake up and realise that everything has been a bad dream.
That would be so nice, right?
Life just isn't smooth-sailing, things seldom go the way we want them to be.

So many times have I felt frustrated that I can't do what I would have liked to do.
The feeling of being hindered makes me feel rather irritated.
It gets worse when I can only wait.

All the happy hopes I had for post-A levels, where it would be the most free and relaxed time, slowly diminishes.

Step by step, I want to overcome all these challenges, and look forward to my future.
I guess during this time, although I haven't been active or doing much, I have learnt a lot in other aspects as well.

When will everything be okay?
I am looking forward to that day.
By then, at least I know I will have already learnt to be more appreciative and cherish whatever I have.

And for now?
I will continue to wonder and think how it will be like after the two important result release.

I will be back here, very soon I hope, to happily type out my feelings when everything is well again.

really, blogging is exceptionally useful during these times! hahaha.

2011-02-13T14:43:00.003+08:00

It has been really long since I came back here.

many things & events have passed by, good or bad.
I guess as we grow older, we expect more & more, and the number of things I fear just keeps increasing.

After all the events, now what I really wish for is good health.
Only after being in a certain situation will you realise how lucky or fortunate we have been in the past.

sitting on the floor.
crossing legs.
bending the knees.
running.
exercising.
moving around without any worry.

in the past, one or two of the above was what I didnt like to do.
to others now, those are simple tasks, aren't they?

but to me now, I become envious of others.

sometimes I am rather optimistic, but the next moment, the positive thinking just falls apart once again.

looking forward to the 22th, and then the 9th.
it has been such a loooong wait.
I wonder what happens to those who are very much in pain, and have no choice but to queue up and wait,wait, wait.
or perhaps I am becoming impatient, after the many different versions I've heard so far.
so at least now,no, I mean on the 9th, I could hopefully get to know everything. get to know what's wrong, and then fully recover. sooooon.
but 9th would be after results release I think.
wonder what my mood will be by then.

it has been troubling me for so long.
I wouldn't have ever thought that I would have such an injury, since I am not a sports person myself.
but things do happen.

I know I am very fortunate, it isn't as bad as what some others may experience, yet sometimes I can't resist thinking 'what if?','I shouldn't have','why?'.

I really want to be healthy again.
while I pray for my own recovery, there's my brother too.
I dont know why there's so much of a coincidence but he is facing a similar problem as well.
all these problems... it has been hard on my parents really.
both the financial, and stress too.

I want to talk about the doctors.
it is a profession many would want to be in.
at least, from what I know.
it feels like a high and mighty role to be in.
but up till now, I havent met a good doctor.
'good', as in one who is really caring and sincere towards the patient, and one who is confident in diagnosing the patient's condition.
can't help feeling disappointed.
I think I would have felt much better if the doctors could have given a more sure and confident answer.

health issues aside, about life for me now.
hmm..hahaha. I realise I can't really put the health issue aside because it's affecting what I am doing now.

I still can remember those happy family talks we had together earlier, before a levels were over, and while my brother was still in army.
there would be so many things we would be able to do at the end of 2010.
so many fun things, since the both of us would be freeeeee.
anyway, everything just went up in smoke after that.
sometimes it's much better to plan on the spot, and then just carry it out.
it works better than planning so much ahead.

haven't been doing anything meaningful, or fruitful lately.
didn't gain any insights, been rather stagnant.
abit of a hermit crab lifestyle.
and I think because of that, my thoughts and mouth dont seem to work together as well.
haha. I realise I dont speak that coherently as compared to the past.
probably because my brain is getting lazy already.
If i go for exams now, everything would be very distant and I probably cant do a complete question.
been told that I should do some quality work and self-improve.
yupp.
but there's a part of me who just wants to settle the earlier case first before I move on to the next without any worries.
motivational classes or lessons always tell us that we need to have dreams and goals in our life.
I have always not have any. hahaha, oops.
I sound so very un-ambitious, waiting for the world to go by.
probably because all along, I prefer being certain of something before I do anything,
instead of having dreams.
maybe just small little short-term hopes instead of a long term goal.
things change so quickly. by then, I may already have a different mindset.
and that is also why I havent really decided on what I want to study yet.
by then, things will come naturally I hope. by then, there would have be certain changes as well. I'll just see how.

moving on to the topic of fearing more & more things as I grow up.
can't believe there are some things I am becoming afraid to do because of all the considerations.
in the past, we just do what we like, and whatever consequences later on will be solved eventually.
now I tend to think too much, that when I've finally decided on what to do, it's no longer necessary.

and that's why there are often answers that I will never ever receive.
Regrets? There will always be.

life can only get better.
I look forward to my future.
hahaha.=)
feeling rather positive after typing out what I want to say.
this is such a useful place.

that's all for now!

2010-03-27T22:35:00.002+08:00

concentrate, concentrate, concentrate

looking forward to public holiday.
but I would still need to survive this coming week.
& many many more weeks after that.

though tiring, at least it is meaningful.
though I may dread them, going through them makes me grow and learn more more.
they aren't that bad.
maybe I am just too timid.
it is a good time for myself to learn how to be braver, and face them on my own.

many things to do.
lesser time for me to think about other things.
sigh...

i want to rest & sleep.
& not need to worry about the many things I have to do.
but I probably will become very lazy.

okay.
jieying, concentrate.

2010-03-20T23:55:00.002+08:00

it rained for the past few days,
finally after a long period of hot weather.

when can I ever feel relieved again?
even for a short period of time?
always having to step cautiously.
many considerations flowing through even to make small decisions. what more big ones.
as we grow older, we have so many things to consider,
because one wrong move could lead to effects that I wont be able to handle.
regrets are what we have commonly in life right?
it would be good to minimise them though.
where is the feeling of suddenly realising everything will be okay afterall,
and that the thoughts on my mind have been solved?

my march holidays are ending.
am I ready for term 2?
yupp, I have to ready myself even if I dont want to.

2010-03-09T22:33:00.003+08:00

some time since I last came back here.
& it's march.

i've changed my mindset on certain things.
changed for the better.
finally can apply 'cherish what you have' to one aspect of my life.
haha, yupp. so far, one aspect.
i will try to apply it throughout.
step by step.
complain less, because what you think is the worse situation you are in now could get worse.
i feel happier knowing that my current situations aren't the worst case scenario.
that makes me move along well, even though there are certain things 'floating' around me.

many things happening internally & externally.
glad that it is all going back onto track now.
i can breathe for awhile now. just a little while.
many many things to do.
but it's okay, because I know it can get even worse.

suddenly feeling so positive about life.
good moodswing.=)

i feel like I am getting sick soon.
the weather is so hot, & most of the time I am just melting. & the next moment, I enter a coooool air con room.

okay, now what I am thinking about is : i want more sleep!=)
so, goodnight!=)

many things that can temporarily fill up the empty spaces

2010-02-17T20:57:00.002+08:00

freeze it & keep it away.

I was hoping that I would be suddenly enlightened about what has been happening,
& know which direction I should choose.

but no,
it cleared only a part of it.
it wouldn't be possible for me to be clear about it & think properly just out of a sudden because I feel the need to do so.
because all along, everything has been so blurry.
weaving & creating, maybe all by myself.
so I guess it's time for myself to sort out everything.
but since I am still not sure,
I will freeze it & keep it away for now.
although I hope someone can help me to melt it & clear everything up,
most likely that won't happen.
handle it some other time.
haha. =X
it may seem like I am just pushing it away.
but after thinking, it is only to sort it out well when it is the right time.

recently.
many many thoughts.

where is the sincerity?
it makes me wonder.
what has changed that I haven't noticed?

2010-02-14T22:44:00.002+08:00

happy chinese new year & valentine's day!

today all I did was eat, watch tv, and 'be there'.
visited grandparents in the morning.
glad to see them energetic & refreshed.
it has been a long time since I visited them at their house.

after that went to my aunty's house for a fulfilling meal.
home-cooked food!=)
eat eat eat.
& then just sat there watching tv and doing nothing esle.
the adults talked, and gor went to sleep!
so nobody esle except the tv.

after that made our way to another aunty's house.
for another meal.=)

so today, this is all that I did.
guess tmr I wont be going out visiting anymore.

back to friday,
cny celebrations ended early at 10plus.
then made our way back to amkss.
we went for a classroom by classroom visit.
&.
the very homely feeling I felt once has already faded away.
maybe there isn't much left that I can feel connected to.
familiar, yes.
but I didnt feel as happy to go back than I thought I would be.
well, this made me happy too.
aww.
moved on.
the different generations.

went out with liyu dorothy nijun after that.
first time we ever had lunch outside of school,
hahaha. finally?
& in the evening went out with mum to the market.

saturday...
reunion dinner was small but cosy.
yupp. nothing much.

two more days of holiday =)
that's what I always look out for.

I created a blog to record down the events in my life.
so that when I read back I can remember what I did last time, and the different ways of thinking I had.
so sometimes when I read back, I laugh at what I write, & can't believe I used to think and write like that.

actually,
I dont know what I should do.
maybe because I am not clear of what I want.
it is a hope,
& I am not sure what it will bring about.
I wonder if it slips past...
will I regret?

what lies ahead.
who knows.

2010-02-07T15:20:00.002+08:00

every weekend passes by so quickly.
though I would wish for more time,
I guess things will never move on if we keep delaying & pondering.

feeling empty.=(

& sometimes I would have to think about all the possible things/people/events etc. that I may be worried or affected by, before I can find out what exactly is it that I am so preoccupied about. this reminds me of maths probability.=X

whatever it is.
事事难料。hmm, i'm not sure if i typed the correct chinese words.feeling so distant from chinese...

feeling a little regretful over something.
but...
there are many things we would regret in life.

2010-02-05T22:25:00.002+08:00

it's friday=)

felt very sleepy today..
& the whole family woke up late today.
so in the morning, after just 15 minutes of preparation, I was on my way to school.
ended up I was still quite early.haha.

came back home & slept in the evening.
woke up. took dinner.
& went back to sleep again!
I just woke up a while ago.
so early days are a waste because I dont do much after all.

眼泪是记得而不哭了是懂得.

difficult decisions.
from making wrong decisions, I end up feeling fearful of making wrong ones again.
cautiously stepping.
not sure of what it is that I want.
not sure of what would be the 'correct' decision.
hoping that I dont cross over to the wrong boundaries & set off a whole series of problems I have to clear up for myself.
a wrong kind of attitude?
maybe in some ways.
it's difficult to achieve a balance.

thought of some things while I was half-asleep (or half-awake).
it was like half a dream, about some things I have been thinking about.
It felt so realistic, but I hope I dont mix it up with real life.

2010-01-28T21:21:00.002+08:00

I feel I have been leading a more meaningful life.
hahaha.
there's more purpose, but I still need more motivation.
self-motivation works best, doesnt it?

time is something so powerful.
it has the ability to make you forget something that was so important to you.

with everyone in the fmaily around, everything feels so joyful =)

glad that I am not the only child.
fortunate to have a brother whom I can 'disturb' & play around with,
& really appreciate having understanding & fun parents. =)
the pillars of my life.

anyway, today the SH1s came in.
they all seem to be very in place.(to me)haha.
it's getting crowded.

dont jump into something for the sake of it. be clear of what you want, and bear responsiblity for what it turns out to be, whether good or bad.

i've learnt not to make too hasty decisions.
but each time i keep making the same mistake!
so in fact, I didn't really learn well.
but some things are just so... coincidental.
there are times when you have to accept such purely coincidences & move on.
or you'll always be stuck.

but somehow, the coincidences I have come acros just amazes me.

communicate.

2010-01-19T22:24:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY ANNA! =)

going to sleep soon.
it's nice when you sleep almost immediately.

days now past rather fast.
before sch started, I was wondering how I survived last year.
But when sch started, everything just fell in place.
not referring that everything is going very very very okay for sch,
just that everything flows just like that.
momentum.

I actually intended to type some chinese.
but..=((
I can't form a proper sentence without doubting if I chose the right word.
without practice, it just slowly fades away...

what do I hope for?

2010-01-15T21:37:00.003+08:00

and so...

school reopened,...

& the first week of school has ended!

as usual, was very reluctant about it.
holidays holidays holidays.
more sleep.

but it's a whole new feeling to school reopening this time round.
hmm. so far, everything is okay & I hope it will continue to be okay too. haha.
didnt really expect myself to feel this way, but it's a nice surprise.
maybe in the future I will get some shocks, but BE PREPARED! (guides motto)

2010 feels like a year filed with missions.
somehow it makes me feel that life is more meaningful. haha.

i can't find anything interesting to write about.
everything is a routine, but sometimes I like it this way too.

the personality of one person.
how does it starts to form?
gradually as one grows up... influences from surroundings...

it isn't possible to force someone to change his or her personality to something that can please you.
you could adapt,
but what is true remains.

all my thoughts are scattered everywhere.
so much to think about.

communication.
it's hard to interpret & know what others are thinking about.
don't assume. that's one keypoint I learnt.
but somehow, I cant put it into practice at times.
communicate.
especially with those who matter alot to you.

sometimes I think to myself, am I cherishing those that matter to me enough?
no matter what, there is always the fear of regreting something that you have done, or did not do.

goodnight!
i can wake up late tmr!=)

2009-12-30T18:25:00.002+08:00

year 2009 is coming to an end soon.

an end marks a new beginning.
a new year, 2010.

跌跌撞撞.
through all this, we learn.

some things are so hard to say.
it takes the appropriate time, place & most importantly, the person.
& sometimes we can only hope that someday, we will get to say what we want to say & that it is not too late.

2010!

2009-12-08T18:20:00.004+08:00

sick the past few days.

breathlessness.
makes me feel very tired,
and very hungry after taking the medicine.haha, an excuse to eat more.

this made me reflect.
my life.
many things I take for granted.
many little things I neglected, when I am blinded by all the other things.

have you ever been in the situation, where you can't find something you need urgently, and after looking all over, you stay still, sit down, feeling very very tired.
and there it is, the thing you want to find, right in front of you.

this happens to me many times, and I always end up laughing at myself.
why didnt I look properly before I went on a huge search?

this can happen in other situations in life as well.

2009-12-03T20:37:00.002+08:00

at some point, I would be thinking.

why am I in such a situation?
Why do I have to do this?
Why is it like that?
Çan't I do what I like?

but on second thought,
shouldn't I learn to live life to its fullest,
& complain less?
because I should, and must cherish the life I am living now.

我想要努力地生活。
even though for now, it is only a '想要', I would want to work towards it.
努力地生活.
ohno, it has been so long since I have been in touch with Chinese, that I actually typed 的 instead of 地.
& I am actually having some problems typing chinese. =(
it was never a major problem last time, but now I am feeling a bit confused already. =(
i miss chinese, especially since Chinese characters are so much more meaningful.
yupp, that's what I told the O lvls oral examiner too.(what is your favourite subject?) haha.

要努力地生活, 要怎么才能办得到呢？
working towards being a happier, heathier person?
for the health part...hmm.. for the entire of today, I have used few basketfuls of tissue. non-stop.
rudolph, the red nose raindeer.
& maybe that's why dad buys tissue boxes in bulk. (not just the usual 5 boxes, but a tower of each package) haha.
& my throat feels funny.
must be all the food that I have eaten.

hmm,oh, I want to mention about blog entries too.
I have read some entries of others, and there are some that come across as very real. and being real, they were much more interesting, and had that special extra sparkle.
my entries dont have all that, hmm, probably maybe it is the language, and the feelings put in, and how far you would go to express yourself.
I guess I wont be going too deep in any time.
it's creepy and scary sometimes.

so everytime i come acorss such 'sparkling' entries, I would pause to re-read, and feel very pei fu. haha.

the holidays so far have been very nice.
I just enjoy being home, plus some going-outs, with family and friends would be enough.
not necessarily the need for very 'hong dong' happenings.
I just need to learn to be more open to changes, and adapt quickly.

met up with anna two days ago.
very satisfied with our finished 'product'.
it looks really nice too. to me. haha. =)

sometimes, we can't always assume and depend on silent communication.
we need to express our thank-yous and nice words to those who deserve it too.

assumptions.
interpretations.
inferences.

2009-11-19T13:34:00.002+08:00

new blogskin =)

hmm, a year later.

when your comfy cushion is removed,
learn how to get up if you fall on the hard ground.

once where you were surrounded by the people who protected you, sincerely cared for you,
and now, you are either surrounded by 'misty' people, or maybe no one at all.

all these changes you.

for the better?

you learn to make decisions for yourself. perhaps no longer that indecisive & afraid, but still not enough.

you find out you can do what you thought was not possible, but you tend to lean back to the past where you feel it would be better for them to be here.

you keep thinking of the past, up to the point you would imagine how it would be like in the past when faced with a present scenario.
you felt unhappy. unable to accept certain new things in your life.

but, gradually, as it will always be, it becomes a routine.
and surprisingly, you realise you enjoy some moments as well.

and as time passes, the past becomes nice memories.
memories, that you would want to remember every single one of them.
memories you thought no present or future ones woud never match up to.

yet, such memories are fading too.
are they getting too faraway?
or getting little as compared to now and the future?
or they dont matter as much as they did anymore?

whatever it is,
those were the times.
the times i really cherished.

as you move forward,
more memories will be created.
there will be no need to feel scared of moving forward, or losing the things in the past you held on tightly to.

at the appropriate time, you will have to let go, pick up new things and move forward.

what is yours will be yours.

& along the way, i met new people.
and some people impacted me differently.
some were just passer-bys, while some affected me in one way or another.
some motivated me on, in many many different ways.
really thankful for all those that genuinely cared.
there are a few special people you would go the extra mile for, or be willing to sacrifice something for them.
& you need not worry about being 'cheated', or maybe 'just a waste of effort'.
you know they would do the same in a similar situation. or they have already done so.

in choosing the schools I go.

till now, i have not felt that I made any wrong choices.
mfps hmm. probably too young, haha. leaving did not make me feel much, i was looking forward to the next level.
amkss my first choice. many asked why i chose this school because to them, it's a neighbourhood school. at the point of choosing, I didnt know much about amkss, I didnt even know how it looked like and where it was located (somewhere in amk was all i know, haha.) i visted the school with my mum some time later, and she like the 'openess' and the all-round circle thing. at the start maybe very unfamiliar, but amkss was where i met my friends , where i experienced many twists, turns, up, downs, left, right, and spirals. discovery. haha. it was where i grew up, amidst all the big and small events. it gave me the feeling i really liked. the big family. & i joined ug guides (because i was a brownie). it made me stronger, much much stronger. (and now i think i have gone down-hill in terms of this, haha. emotions ah.) amkss made it so hard for me to transit to njc.

next, njc my first choice as well. i dont regret my choice, but the transition from amkss to njc was just abit rough. besides the school, there were other things. the whole time in the beginning i only knew how to think back into the past. perhpas my own mindset as all wrong. maybe i thought there was a chance to ..erm, return back? haha. no. just that... i needed some time to adapt. and gradually, it became better as the year moved on. and suddenly i felt there were so many holidays! (maybe the calendar is helping me to adapt) or more likely, i didnt think soooooo much about having holidays last time. but as time went by, unkown to myself i think, i could find moments i enjoyed, felt comfortable with, be proud of and so on... in the beginning, i thought it was not possible, but now, its okay.=)

back to now.
next year, i will have to survive & learn, and grow.

change, growth, progress.
it's outside amkss heritage gallery, smtg i realised quite late.
and there are other things i realised too late,
or maybe havent even realised?
but i dont know what they are.

2009-10-20T21:27:00.002+08:00

''The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.'' ~ Elisabeth Foley

this was what anna wrote on my birthday card, & i like this meaningful quote! =)
thank you anna =)

yesterday was a happyyyyyy day!

met up with meixin, joy & anna.
went to orchard for lunch, and then to kbox. =)
& joy and meixin bought cake, and their present was very nice.
a photo of the four of us =)
thanks so much!!

we were actually supposed to leave at 5pm, but in the end, we left only at 6pm as no one asked us to leave.

on the way back, i was feeling so tired.
by the time i reached home, there wasnt any energy left. =X
sometimes, it's tiring having so much fun too.

i want more of such days =)
yupp, & one meaningful sentence written by joy in her card '' & people say alot of words here becuase they're not going to see each other again.''
sometimes, just something simple is enough, and probably more touching than all those big words.
really thankful to have one of such nice days, and looking forward to more.
but for now, ... ... ...
cherish what i have. =)

2009-10-10T00:16:00.002+08:00

october.

why is it that each time i feel like coming here, i dont feel like writing anything anymore?

it gets meaningless.

& i feel my emotions are all over the place.
controlling them.
i did okay last time, at least.
but now, every single little thing can make such a great impact.

jieyingggggggggggggggggggg.

2009-08-31T22:19:00.000+08:00

teachers'day eve.

rushed back to amkss with liyu & dorothy.
when you need the bus desperately, it just won't come.

today was a nice feeling, but didnt do anything much productive=X
just okay, to a little little extent, maybe a bit wasted.
if not i can go out some other days..=( [argh, mx and anna...]

but. it was still a super nice feeling today anyway,=))

and sometimes i regret about the some things i do,
wondering why i took that step in the first place.
& wondering how it would be different if i reacted differently.
but oh well. it's life.

some things, will just slip past us.
it could be the thing we would have like to want,
but everything esle isnt appropriate.
perhaps it wont be worthwhile after that.

i wonder, i wonder...

2009-08-30T20:58:00.000+08:00

=((((.

2009-08-28T22:59:00.000+08:00

a tiring but happy day.
it was a half-day today, but PW... okay, but i am still =)
we did a little of wr draft, then set off for ssf, but miscalculated the time to get there.
in the end we had to run all the way from the mrt station to reach the ssf.
aaaahhhhh. tired. & just felt like melting.
but at least it was fruitful, yay=)
now, all i hope is that everything will go on well.

came home with a headache.
but dinner cheered me up.... CRAB!!=)))))
a big, fat & delicious crab.
yummmiiieee.
& everybody ate together =)

okay, there are a lot of things to do.
i think i should try to stay happy & cheerful,
since we have a choice. right? hmm.
each time i meet with a situation, i will silently complain and try to retreat & escape from it.
& in the end, i still have to go for it.
& the next situation comes and it feels as if it is worse than the previous.
it will never end, so better appreciate the present.=)
i sound so optimistic, for now. haha.

interpretations, will always be interpretations.
inferences, will always be inferences.
is the best way to talk?
or to write it out?
or maybe, silent communication?
all the wrong signals. maybe?
i don't know.

ponder over it some other time.
i want to sleep=)

goodnight!!

2009-08-27T21:50:00.000+08:00

tmr is a half-day =)

but there's still WR to do,
& thankfully we received a reply for pw =)
hope everything goes well tmr.

yay. spa for this year is over.
(hmmm. i always posted about spa in sec sch, haha.)

and teachers'day is coming.
can go back amkss and meet the rest=)

getting used to how it is now, that the once-familiar has become a stranger.

& sometimes when you don't know what to do, just dont do anything.
but maybe, either way you will still regret.
at least, they are still small regrets, not the major ones.

change.progress.growth
this year.hmmmm.

&, what are the appropriate things to write about?
one more thing.

hey,=).

i think i won't be able to understand what i am writing about if i come back many years ltr to read all these. haha.

goodnight!

2009-08-13T22:41:00.001+08:00

hmm, almost one month since the last post.

there is nothing much i want to say here.

so, goodnight.

2009-07-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

after writing so much things, i felt so much better.
so it actually helps =)

though all the entries written then were kind of sad, or bitter even, but when i went to read them, actually, it wasnt so bad aferall.
they're more realistic and closer to heart entries, at least.
unlike, erm. those here. haha.

anyway, while finding a cd for cmps, i came across the video i made for anna's 16th birthday last year!
it's the first video i actually made, haha, and of very low standard.
but i like it.
& the song as well.
didnt view the whole thing, because didnt feel like doing so for now.
some other time?
when i have more time to think, think & think somemore.

okay, i've things to do.
bye!

&, he said 'sian....sian...'
it made my heart sink a little.
but well...

2009-07-07T20:25:00.002+08:00

they arent genuine,
luckily i have them,
who keeps me going,
& you, who reminds me that i am much more fortunate.

but now,
i dont like the feeling.

i miss.

jieyingggggggg!!!!!

what i wrote on the green slip in sec sch.
it's a good method.
becuase i still rmb it.

it'll be alright.

2009-06-03T23:34:00.002+08:00

meeting anna joy mx tmr =)
then going back amkss for guides farewell party.

4th june.
1 year passed fast.
& alot of things are already different.

习惯成自然。

i guess no matter how you blocked it out,
overtime, it'll still win afterall.

stay true.
because that'll be the only thing that will last.
you can change to suit the 'taste' of others,
but how long will it be?

changes.

sometimes, you'll hope & hope that it'll remain almost the same.
you want to believe it will.
you think it will.
believe, think.
but it doesn't.

i've learnt.
never to make decisions soooo quickly.
so maybe, it'll turn out like what i believed it will.
i hope so.

the feeling of 'your generation is over'.
hmmm?
it's a cycle.

it's difficult to find one who can communicate well with you,
understand what you mean without you saying much,
or thinking along the same lines as you do.
that 默契.
it has been pulled away from me.
it was built up overtime i guess,
i hope it wont disappear overtime.

ok, goodnight!

thinking back.

i'll see how.

2009-05-30T23:19:00.002+08:00

30th may,...& 31st may is someone's birthday! haha =)

HAPPY EARLY 17TH BIRTHDAY MEIXIN! =)

though we will not be meeting tmr, we are meeting very sooooon! =)
& that makes me very happy.
among the other things floating by me that make me =(, =X, ><, ='(, =S, ......

this evening, went out with family to suntec & marina sq.
& we got lost inside. no, it isnt kuazhang.
erm. because, we aren't the people who will go to these places very oftenly, & somemore so big..so many people....& so....... ><
hahaha. we had to look at the signs and walk. and even then, we didnt know if we were walking in the right direction.
difficult even to go back to the carpark where the car was parked. hahaha.

Actually the initial plan was that gor would have his class gathering, then we would go to eat.
ended up there were some problems over at gor's side, so in the end ate together =)
wanted to walk around, but, gor had other plans to meet other friends.
ya, so we had to leave early.
hmmmmmm. early...became much later, because we took awhile to get out. haha.
but walking alot after eating so much is good.=)

& i think tmr there will be another relative dinner thing. eat again =)

jieying, m-o-v-e.

& sometimes,...... i just feel i am courting trouble.
hmm...i was feeling so 乱七八糟 just now....
but after typing here, hmm..i feel much better.
and i dont feel like writing about those things.

i hope,........................

goodnight! =)

2009-05-23T23:36:00.003+08:00

a little of holiday feeling,

looking forward but dread june.

because its when i need to stable myself and move.
and many many things to do.

at different points of our life, we need to worry about different things.
worry one at a time. or it's too overwhelming.

sometimes it's just the little things that can make you touched, & not those big things done on purpose.

feeling happy today,
because saturday is family bonding day=)
haha, it only started this year after gor went ns.
i like saturdays, but i wonder how long we can have nice saturdays every weekend.
maybe next time it will be cut down when we're busy, okay, i mean when i'm busy...=X.
i still rmb sec sch i used to have aftnoon naps so often!!!!!! almost daily?
so fortunate!!!!
but now when i return home its alrdy past the time.

you gain some, you lose some.

i have learnt many things since the start of school this year.
change, growth & progress.
when it was the start, i was unhappy.
kept thinking back, wondering how nice it would be to return back.
but as time passed, then i realised 'our generation' is over.
& now, i guess it's much better somehow?
i feel like i have moodswings all the time.=X
sometimes i will feel that its alright,
and the next moment it doesnt seem so anymore.
but now, i think i can handle it better.
gradually.

the '不舍' feeling.
now even though i feel it,
i know, it isnt the worst.
be prepared.[ooh, guides' motto =))] because time flies.
i wonder how i will react next time.
but never mind, concentrate on the present first.

有一天　也許我能把自己治好再一次想起來　應該要怎麼笑

hmm,i like this song.=)

there are many many people,
but something in you stands out.
it isnt something easy to describe.

hmm, all my thoughts are all over the place.
if i read this again next time, will i rmb what i was thinking about when i wrote all this?

goodnight!

2009-05-14T21:51:00.002+08:00

it's two-way.

there is no genuine care & concern at all.

if the joy that you receive is the joy that you give,
maybe i bring little joy to others.

2009-05-04T22:35:00.002+08:00

half-day today=)

& i came back home....
& slept! x)

nice nap.
& a long time since i took one, haha.

you never know how much it means to you till the real thing really happens.
& just now, even though it was just a 'scare',
i realised actually it was quite important to me afterall.
now that i know, i'll take what that comes more openly.

=).

the most that i know of you, is that, you exist and appeared.

before you fade away...

2009-05-03T19:06:00.002+08:00

decisions.

jieyingggggggggggggggg!

now that i look back last time it wasnt that bad,
so next time when i look back now wont be too bad. right?

abit of rao kou ling x)
i feel so faraway from chinese.

2009-04-29T22:52:00.002+08:00

huh.

feeling a little jumbled up.

all the lively people.

selective.

but, everyone is different right?

feeling tired, because i think about the same thing.

wonder how now,
i had a choice then, but not now,
so just move forward and take whatever comes along positively.
i hope so.

atcually, i dont regret.
weird, though i keep thinking about it,
i know i would make the same choice anyway.

inferences & interpretations.

how often are you right?

its not easy.

SLEEP=)

actually i have alot to say, but ... nvm. i shall digest it internally.

2009-04-28T21:06:00.003+08:00

i feel like sleeping now.
sleepy.
& i found the papers very glaring and shiny, esp with yellow highlighter as well,
my eyes feel tired looking at them.

i wonder what it meant, but i wont get to know.

sometimes, it's creepy isnt it?

many weeks ago, i realised 1 thing.
& today, i realised another.

要经历了才会明白。

sometimes just wonder how would it be like, if i am another person and i meet me.
what would i think of me?
what would my impressions be?
would i get a shock?
would i be surprised that this is actually how i am like to others?
just curious. but i wont get to know, because you'll never know if what the others say are true.

2009-04-24T21:32:00.002+08:00

hi,

the 4 tests this week are over=)
felt very relieved after bio test today...
though...i dont know how it will be when i get them back...hmm.

though tired, but this isnt the worse yet....

yesterday took 1hr to reach school becuase of the jam =X
thought i was going to be late.
& went back to school at 7 plus for the arts thing.
i think it was quite okay.
thankyou papa for sending me to & fro and for waiting!=)
& i feel really fortunate, esp when friends will always ask 'your father come so fast to pick you?'

when i read those entries, and some memories flowed back, - uncontrollable tears.
its not about being sad now.
its just about being glad and thankful for those memories.
& i know, even if there is a chance to return back, it would be different in some way.
its like, the generation is over.
it is a cycle, where the new takes over the old.

& anw i have already gotten used to life now,
and i gradually find it okay.

all those memories are really useful in cheering me up because i always find smtg funny to laugh at. =))

i need to find back the inner calm and to be strong.
maybe its because it has been a really long time since those trainings.
that i slowly get weaker.
but it will return, as long as i have that base or foundation already built up.

mum commented that i mature super fast during this period.
she said i became more self-motivated & grown up.
& thinking of it, my parents no longer nag at me.
unlike maybe certain periods of secondary days where papa nagged alot & got angry because i was lazy.
but actually, i dont have a choice anw.
forced to be more independent, might be good in some ways.
& actually, now it's gor that nags. hahaha.=)

impressions that you have on people.
though i wish people wont just judge me by the impressions or maybe even misunderstandings they have, sometimes that is how i judge people too. =X
because most opf the time, the misunderstandings are hard to clear.

but nvm, because if they were really important people, they would know.
=)

there are motivators that i found, though they might not be true and may only be my own point of view, but it still motivates me anyway.

goodnight!

2009-04-19T19:42:00.002+08:00

hello=)

this coming week..=X lots of tests...
so when friday ended i wasnt as happy as usual..
started to feel a little panicky actually. because weekends pass fast.

oh!then gor could come back on friday night=))))
the whole family was happy, with papa ever ready to fetch him home, hahaha.
sometimes when such unexpected things happen,(in a good way), it can just make you soooo happy!

anyway, i flooded him with lots of questions.
erm. i know...inconsiderate, but i couldnt help it.=X
it just reminds me of o lvl days.
when i asked him questions, while he was studying for his a lvls....
now thinking back, that period of time didnt seem as bad...

anw i really felt so much better and not so panicky anymore after that.=)
thankfully...

& i managed to send in my PI by friday night.
thought over it so long, when finally i managed to find what i needed.
hopefully its okay.

yesterday night went out to eat.=))
FOOD!!
we had last minute change of plans, went to chompchomp to eat instead, but the food was still nice.
& the cleaner was was nice in the way that he still smiled even though the tables were very messy and dirty.

these two days woke up ealier, but at least i didnt take any afternoon naps.

its reaching 8pm.

& school week 5 will be here soon...

hope everything will go on smoothly.=)

bye!

2009-04-08T21:47:00.002+08:00

thankfully, good friday soon. =)

so after tmr, there is a long weekend. which will pass very fast too.

the ups and downs.

sometimes i actually feel so optimistic.
like everything is going to be alright.
it isnt that bad actually.
that i believe in myself.
that my life seems much better already.
like i am already used to it.
that i am already prepared.
and that i feel brave enough.

yet. the next moment, i feel like it isnt the case anymore.
its difficult.
its tiring.
i am being lazy, timid.
everything is going from bad to worse.
that i cant endure anymore.
that i dread.

its the mindset.

anw, today feel xin teng for gor.
i think he is in a worse situation than me.
he faces more difficult obstacles.
its tough.
but he will overcome them.

admire.=)
& missed too.

i love my family! =)

may have felt confused, irritated, agitated, scared, nervous, the feeling of shrinking back, uncertain, timid & lots more.
but talking to my parents.
both gave me definite answers.
thats what i need.
i shall heed their advice too.
& whatever it is, be braver.
though its easier said than done, i'll try.
not only for myself, but for them as well.=)
really thankful.
zhi zu.

now. there are so many ups and downs.
but i am not the only one having problems.
everyone has problems.
and if there is a need to compare, mine is small.
so be brave.

sleeeepy...
goodnights!

2009-04-02T21:52:00.002+08:00

2nd april!

& 2 mths in jc.

completed napfa,
it was the fastest duration i took to complete it.

awww, amkss.

i dont know why, but i think i keep seeing wrongly.
like familiar images flashing by me.
images from amkss even though i am in school.

& tmr is friday!=)
yay!

hmmm.
moodswings?
anw, tuesday was 乱。
i think it was one of the worst day this year.
internal mess.

thankyou anna=))), after those sms-es somehow i felt so much better=)

& meixin called me yesterday to ask a physics question,
which i couldnt solve.haha.
so long didnt hear from her.
hope you're doing well =)))

i love my family,
& they're the reason why i must be strong & endure.

2009-03-27T22:44:00.002+08:00

its friday!=)

i wish weekends could be longer...

anw anw, at least my favourite day is just tmr.

& 1 week since school reopened.
i need to stop thinking about holidays!

school,
has been okay?
since everything is moving so fast now, it would be over before i know it.
really. i dont want to think too much, or think too far.
esp about things i realised is not possible.
but still, i cant concentrate. =X
need more 意志力。

the moment i realised it was not possible,
i felt like 'a little girl'.
somehow.

the right timing.

goodnight! =)

2009-03-25T23:05:00.002+08:00

400th.

我的意志力不够坚强，怎么办？

hmmmm. i shouldnt be asking such a question.
i need to answer it myself.

abcdefg.

today, the 'miss' feeling came back again because i realised there is still a difference afterall.
i thought...somehow it will get much better. yes it did, by a little.

you'll know whether they genuinely care.
i miss the genuine 感动 feeling,

i have to find things that i can smile & laugh about now,
because there are so little things that happen that make me really really happy.

different,
different groups, different types.

& a different sense of humour.
different channels.

anw, the weekends are coming. =)

走一步算一步。

i dont know why there is this barrier.

2009-03-20T20:18:00.002+08:00

march holidays coming to an end. =(
super fast.

i havent been doing much, ohno...
anw, this week i have been eating alot.=)
tmr going to eat somemore. hahaha.

when sch reopens then no mood.
maybe its good in some ways, or i will be very very unhealthy with too much food. & little exercise... or none....x)

some new people that you meet.
have you ever come across new people that gives you that familiar feel?
they seem similar to someone you met earlier on.
they may not look very alike,
they may not have the same personality,
but they still feel alike.
& maybe this only happens because you dont know the new person well at all.
because if you do, you'll find out they are different after all.

our distance,

2009-03-16T23:09:00.002+08:00

met anna at j8 today.

we decided to make the cards 1st at the library...
because its really difficult to find appropriate presents. =X

card-making went on well.
and anna said to me that in the future if everything esle fails, look for her to set up a cardmaking company... hahaha.
haha, lets rival that $20 card. x))
anw, we were at the sofa & i looked up & saw...ooh. grace! =)

had lunch at kfc...
we shared a table with a lady..
& she started talking to me while anna queued.
turns out she was from nj too.
many batches ago.
so coincidental!
& she took 'triple sci' too....
hmm... she was quite friendly & nice.

hmm..now that i am replaying this in my head, i find this suspicious.hahaha, nvm, dont think too much. x)

next was present hunting. =(
& anna even used the term 'excruciating' to describe. hahaha.
finally, finally. managed to get everything by 5pm. yay!=)

holidays,
dont pass so quickly...

& that warm presence.
i miss that feeling...
but, its so rare.

goodnight.=)

2009-03-15T19:56:00.002+08:00

yesterday,
went to northpoint in the evening with family =)
got a little lost there.....even with dad around....
hahaha, & at one point of time i wondered if i really was in northpoint or some other mall... x)
no sense of direction.x))

shoe size.
=(
haha, i told the lady i cant fit into the shoe & she didnt really believe me...
so i tried it on anw & ofcourse, couldnt fit in.
she was nice & patient anw... =)
she said 看不出来, & that my feet was just long, not big. hahaha.
nvm, its all in the genes. x)

meeting anna tmr!=)
to buy some things & we'll be cardmakers again =)

thankful.

to have those people around =)

&, somehow...
i really dont feel myself.

2009-03-13T22:23:00.002+08:00

went back amkss to collect cert today =)

the place feels quiet.
& i feel abit different. wonder why,
but still, comfy & nice anw.

& tmr not going family day anymore, =X
maybe some other day then meet them then. =)

h-a-p-p-y,

& i think i can sleep well tonight,
esp when tmr is saturday! =)

& holidays!=)
hope they never end,
hahaha. impossible.

i think i am different in some ways already.
growth.
& so far, i think its in a good way =)

but ofcourse, what is real remains real inside. =)

goodnight! =)

2009-03-12T22:40:00.002+08:00

yay yay yay. =))
tmr is friday! =)))

finally, finally!
haha, i kept counting down.

maybe,... thats all to it.
& nothing esle.

& gor's pop was yesterday.
i didnt get to go,
=( it would have been nice to see the parade thing.
anw, nvm.

internal eruptions.

sometimes i wish............

but i dont know if i will be happy if i really get the wish.
dont want to regret wishing for smtg that doesnt turn out well in the end.

its isnt to last long.
it isnt a race. esp when a race ends.

goodnights=)

2009-03-08T17:49:00.003+08:00

looking forward to the end of this coming week. x)

even though monday isnt here yet...

friday will be going back to amkss with joy.
hmm, but guides dont have trng on that day...
nvm...its still nice to go back. =)

& then amkss family day would be here soon!=)
yay,

but for now, i have to survive this coming week 1st...

i think,
i dont really know if i am sure.
esp when there are those examples of the other pple.

if you dont know, then dont do anything first right?
stay like this?

& it will end up with nothing.

2009-03-06T22:38:00.002+08:00

its saturday tmr=)
my favourite day of the week, since sch started.

& today a lvl results out.
gor came back to get his results. =))))
yay! he is one of the top students, so proud of him, hahaha! =))))))
congrats gor x)

it made me so much more happier, cheerful, alive....

maybe because it means alot to see him in the same sch.
but its just this once only?
unless he comes back maybe?
i know, others may think its nothing...
but to me..it just made me much happier.
felt more 稳 .
anw anw, feel happy. haha.

went to jacksplace for dinner with family =)
a small celebration =)
eat eat eat.
every weekend eat alot. x)

but now, i'm feeling so lazy! =X
cant seem to do anything.................

going to sleep.=)

goodnights!

finally, where there are many =)))))s again.

2009-03-03T22:27:00.001+08:00

read what i typed just now.
almost what i wanted to say.
almost.
but never exactly.
because some things are better left inside.

别人的幸福何必要模仿

goodnight,

=X.

2009-02-28T23:16:00.003+08:00

read that for those born on 23rd of any of the 12 months.......
23rd: 挑战心旺盛，学什幺都能很快上手。问题是喜新厌旧，而且欠缺耐性。
i think the 问题 part is really true.
but... 挑战心旺盛?!

11:11
11111111111111111111111111.

2009-02-27T22:25:00.002+08:00

.

it would be nice if it was how i thought it was.
but most prbly it isnt.

setup coincidentalcoincidences.blogspot.

but she bu de pawprintsinmyheart. it contains all the changes, growth, progress.
it sounds werid now, but last time it just came to mind.
like when you read through older posts.
really wonder how come it was written that way?
haha, its a good method to cheer yourself up x)
you can laugh at all the weird & funny way you expressed things last time.
joy told me she kept laughing when reading mine. x)

now.....its so impt to find things to laugh at. =X

anw, 1 month in school already.
so fast...

& next week a lvls results out?
hope gor does well =)
kind of anxious for him... =X

people come & go.
i can already feel you're far.
or maybe already gone?

how should i be feeling?

2009-02-22T20:55:00.003+08:00

last thursday,

went to meet joy meixin & anna at j8 =))

i reached the library earliest since i ended sch the earliest too.
then anna & mx came=)
who is missing?? hahaha x)

anyway, started to talk, talk, talk, laugh, laugh, laugh.... & walk walk walk.
waited for almost 50 minutes, then ms joy turned up x)
haha, she was busy with other things (like...gen zhong pple? x) )

went to take photos..
had a hard time again.
so difficult for everyone to fit in.

when it was time to go back, felt sad. =(
i think all felt that way too?
it just seemed like, it would be a long long time before we might ever meet.

friday.
went back to amkss with liyu. =)))))
met joy again! haha.
went to talk to teachers, like mszaiton, mdm chong....
when i entered the school, it didnt feel weird at all.
everything felt normal, like it was a normal school day.
went to the busbay to see the guides.
laughed alot.
everything felt so nice and comfortable.
& i actually thought it would feel different.

went to give mrschung the chocolates,
& after that went home...

saturday,
gor came back =))))))))))))))
family went out for dinner together at amk hub & walked about too.
i felt so happy...
because, it felt nice to be able to go out & forget about other things that were troubling...

anw. today.... nothing much.....

that's all.

arent there some parts that i left out?
haii.

& also, there are some things that actually happen but you need not ask 'why', 'how come'....
because it happens just like that.
weird? maybe.
haha, its just like that.

2009-02-18T22:41:00.002+08:00

decisions?

concentrate!

=((

& tmr is thurs.
fast?
very.

because of too little words, too little smiles?

2009-02-17T22:43:00.002+08:00

thursday is coming =)

anxiety. stress.

i have to cure it.

若是心理，就得靠自己。

i wonder where it comes from anyway?

心理.心理.心理.

make it disappear!

school has been okay.

have to remove my reliance.
have to 靠自己。
=X
the feeling when you dont know how to do a question,
& immediately you feel like asking someone nearer, someone you are not afraid of even if he scolds,
but. not there.
must get use to it.
although i already tried to prepare myself.

sounds like i am very dependent?
haha.yupp.
slowly. learning.

let me solve one problem first.

before i think about other things.

=X.

i am reminded by meixin about SPA. =(((
hahaha. ohno, i rmb joy saying that the spa period last year all my entries had 'SPA' in it...
practicals! =X

2009-02-15T21:40:00.003+08:00

time seems to pass really really fast recently.
even much faster than last time, i wonder why.

its monday again tmr. =X

if monday doesnt come, thursday wont.

i feel like i have been controlling my laughter for a long long while.
默契是需要培养的吧？
the things i found funny,........
hahaha.
laughter brings the distance closer, doesnt it?

向前，
不代表不能想念。

goodnights!

2009-02-14T22:11:00.002+08:00

hello=))

yesterday went tgt to fetch gor back x)
asked him chem ques...
it has been a looong time since he ever did anything related to studies.
every wkend, i can help to refresh his memory =)))))))))))))
anw, he asked me how the lectures went in school.
& when i told him, he said it sounded only like what happened in a day, not a week.
too little interesting things?
asked him about some other things abt the sch...& teachers...
haha..makes me want to laugh when i rmb about bio...

i think i am getting used to it,
hope everything goes on well...

oh, & today is valentine's day.
happy valentine's day! =)

maybe thurs will be able to meet mx anna joy?
hopefully..
it has almost been a month.
and we 4 are all in diff schs.

世事难料，
不要把话说得太死。

2009-02-11T22:36:00.002+08:00

hello=)

was looking through my older posts, & it felt like i was reading the life of someone esle.
haha, the way i thought, the way i wrote & everything is so different.

anw, i looked back because i wanted to find this phrase:

change, growth & progress.

its outside the heritage gallery at amkss.
that time when i finally noticed it, i felt it was meaningful & thought i would rmb it for a very very long time.
but i was wrong. =X
i wanted this phrase again,
but all i could rmb was 'grow smtg...' & the words were at the heritage gallery.

change, growth & progress.
it should be in this order, right?

& about some other things.
i think it will end up with nothing too.
it has been like that.

goodnights=)

2009-02-09T21:41:00.002+08:00

monday is here again. =(

each & every one is different.

jieying, dont keep 'over-thinking'.
it makes you really so tired.
jieying,....
dont you have many things to say?
where are all those words?
they arent suitable, arent appropriate?

& also, arent you greedy?
sometimes i cant believe you think this way.
isnt it really too many?
jieying!!!!!
argh.

=X.

2009-02-07T22:22:00.002+08:00

hello=)

gor came back from his ns on friday=)

talked & asked him some things about nj...
hmm, & i am following him in whatever he did so far,
because i dont have any directions for myself.
& its easier this way too. so..i am glad i am the younger one, or i wont know what to do.
but i think after that, i wont be able to follow him anymore,
haha. i dont think i will be able to cope. >.<

anw, i am feeling so messy & confused inside.

tired.

thats all, goodnight!

amkss seems far away already.
that's so fast!

2009-02-05T20:25:00.002+08:00

again?

wrong?

2009-02-01T21:20:00.002+08:00

hello.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

& so...

tmr is back to school.
a new school.

=(............=)?

maybe? i dont know yet.

& my handwriting gets worse because it has been a long time since i wrote alot.

& now when i think back about last time sec sch..whr aft any holidays the sunday night i will be dreading to go back to school..

i think it cant be compared to now..or even when compared last time p6 to new sec sch.

wondered why i dreaded it. i should be happy, shouldnt i?

when i went to the new sec sch, i was quite frightened somehow..haha..=)
but now i love amkss=)

so maybe now i am moving on to a new sch, everything will go on fine too.
hopefully. =)

but then again, maybe tonight i wont be able to sleep! haha.

jc!

though i still miss alot alot, ...
place, pple, events, & alllllll those memories & 'special things'.

its normal isnt it?

love them.

2009-01-30T14:38:00.003+08:00

chinese new year, came.

its much quieter & nothing interesting....
gor came back for a few days during the cny & went back.

=(.

feels like already getting used to it.

& sometimes...

wouldnt it be better, if... ?

they're happy,
so... i am.

再勇敢。

很快就会过去了，不是吗？

通常都是这样，不是吗？

所以，也就只好这样。

2009-01-20T20:19:00.002+08:00

hello =)

the other photos taken yesterday, from anna =)

-- Eager but fearful, confident yet somewhat suspicious.

saw this sentence & felt it was somehow suitable in a way....

2009-01-19T21:03:00.010+08:00

hello =)

happy 17th birthday anna! =))

(sewed this =)looks alike?)

today mx joy anna & me went out tgt.. x)
now feeling tired, legs aching, but it was fun =)

we met at 11plus at j8,
& there was a mini mini cake for anna too..

after that went to eat mos burger..

spent 1.5 hours there? seems like..

it felt so short, didnt expect it to be so long..haha!

chatted & chatted, then made our way to amk kbox.

had fun there too,

we took super long to get all four of us into the picture..haha=))

i think alrdy not bad when there was no one esle to take the photo for us..

laughed alot while trying to take the photos..

have to fit our face into the screen & balance the phone...

but there are nicer ones with anna, haha..

hmmmm......so many similar shots because joy wanted to get a perfect one, but i think none in the end was up to her expectations......

2009-01-18T21:48:00.002+08:00

hello=)

tmr is anna's birthday=),
going to celebrate it tgt with joy & mx too =)

it feels like the last few times to enjoy abit more... =((

but anw, still looking forward to tmr.

珍惜现在所拥有的一切，
紧紧地把握，
但在适当时候时，
不能不舍得，
要懂得放手。

但不舍得的事，好多好多。=X

2009-01-14T22:44:00.002+08:00

hi...

in the day i was feeling so irritated and mao dun with myself.
its really difficult when it gets to the time. (bu tong shun)

but as the time went by.
the feeling started to wear off.
but the 'miss' feeling increased even more.

anyway, i sent in my choices already.
felt kind of jingzhang & have to check very carefully.

& chatting to meixin can make me laugh a lot to myself in front of the computer, & yet make me feel sad at the same time.

but no matter what, i still feel super thankful, grateful. =))

they're really =))))))))))))....
special!

whatever it is,
they're able to make me happy sad & all other sorts of emotions.

2009-01-13T22:19:00.002+08:00

now it just feels weird,
& i dont want school to reopen.
=(

i dont get you, .ofcourse.

these 2 days consecutively went to serangoon garden to eat lunch with papa.
now it just feels kind of quiet. =(
if gor was home it would be better. somehow =)
& about writing letters.
arghh, that kind of feeling will creep up on you =X

2009-01-12T21:54:00.002+08:00

collected o level results today.

at first still felt okay.
after that i felt my heart pumped until very tired. =(

thankful. =)

& about other things.
顺其自然好了。
不然，好累。

2009-01-11T20:05:00.002+08:00

hello=)

o levels results will be out tmr...
hope everything will be okay. =)

&...
aiiya.

nothing esle.
bye.

2009-01-09T20:19:00.003+08:00

hi...

today woke up earlier in the morning...
& it was weird having to eat a normal meal at 7plus in the morning...
after that we made our way to pasir ris...
feels like suddenly keep going...okay,... only a few times maybe.
and so on....and so on....
sat the ferry.......
looked around and all those..
then ltr came home at 4 plus and slept...tired.

byebye to gor! seeya 2 weeks later!=)

i dont know why, just feels kind of scary..
if it was me, i think i would be homesick >.<

and i just suddenly remembered about some memories in girl guides...

hmm...

不知道你们会不会这样觉得呢？

总觉得我们这个时代好像过去了的感觉。

好像老了。

有些难过。

不过习惯就好了。

人，都是要成长的嘛，不可能永远都停留在同一个地方。

努力。独立。（不是孤僻）

勇敢多一点。不是，是勇敢要多很多。

然后，再看看成果，希望是好的。

就这样了吧。

hmm....actually tmr wanted to go to school,
it's the cca open house..
but...haii. wont be going le.
anw, going out with mum instead.

that's all.

少了好多 '=)'.

just dont feel in the mood.

byes!

2009-01-08T15:59:00.002+08:00

自爱是报恩，付出是感恩，

懂得知恩报恩才是真正有福报的人生

《静思小语》

2009-01-07T15:31:00.007+08:00

有时候，要记得宽容，多包容别人。

生活中，生气的理由有很多。
不过很多时候，我发现出气后，并没有感到开心或快乐，反而只有后悔。
或许人类就是这样吧，常会做出令自己后悔的事。
事后再想想，当初又何必那样呢？
不过在当下，我们哪会想那么多，而有些事情也发生，过去得太快了吧。

每个人要的东西可不同。
有些人要的不是礼物，而是别人的关心。
多花点心思，别人是看得到，感受得到的。
用真诚对待身边的人，如果知道别人是因为你而感动，若是我的话，我一定很开心的。
因为这一点也不容易。

saw this on the net.
its from a book.
i think if i have the opportunity, i would like to read it too....
it seems interesting.

爱是一种美丽的疼痛 ---刘墉

生产有痛，成长有痛，别离有痛，伤病有痛，经过一个又一个的疼痛，我们还有面对人生最大的痛---在至爱的哭喊与自己无奈的悲痛中，离开这个世界。
只是，如果一生中每个疼痛带来的是生的快乐，爱的喜悦，重逢的欣喜与康复的欢畅，那死的疼痛，会不会指向另一段，另一世更美好的人生?

爱得更宽容
一笼子同种的鸟，看起来有什么不同？
一地球同样的人，骨子里有什么差异？
都是圆颅方趾，都有喜怒爱憎
于是看别人好像看自己，想自己就能猜别人。
给对方多一步宽容，就是给自己多几分天地。

the last two days went for the chalet...
the journey to & fro was long but still okay i guess.
today slept till almost 11 in the morning.
woken up by the phone.
january, january...
if only...
it would always stay around this time...
it feels so much slow paced & relaxed.
this paragraph that i typed seems so 乱.
like all my feelings all mashed up into one portion.
so much to say & ponder about,
but not here.

that's all!

my brother enlisting into NS on fri.
it would feel different and weird without him around most of the time. =((
ohno ohno.

习惯。

2009-01-01T21:23:00.001+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2009 =)

2008-12-30T23:07:00.004+08:00

hello=)

the new year is coming soon.
& more memories.

the day before had a dream, which was erm...
i dont really know if it is considered sweet,
because it didnt end as i woke up halfway,
and anw, it's just a dream.
just that what happened inside surprised me a little.
and it is such a coincidence that i saw a green rubber band at home,
and it seemed so familiar.
it seems like what i saw in my dream.
maybe psychological?
需要的是胆量,
去做对的事。

不用羡慕。

because i feel very foutunate too.
family & close friends! =)

& if everybody is going to be only 被爱，
who is going to 去爱？
a lot of things, are always two-way. =)
& you'll feel happy too, right?

11:11
it isnt so much about knowing there's someone who misses you.
its when you see this time and you are once again reminded you are always thinking of the many special ones.
so when this special ones see 11:11,
they can also see it in a way that there are pple thinking about them.

again, its two-way.=)

anw, thats all.
ohya, went dentist today...
encouraged to wear braces...>.<>

----i am chatting wif joy nw^^

2008-12-25T14:40:00.001+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

hmm,why does it feel so quiet?

2008-12-22T16:32:00.002+08:00

hello=)

these days, its getting so hard to sit still & concentrate.
i feel like i am back to my 'last time self' where i would drift off while studying, or would not have any motivation.
during the recent months, i feel really amazed that i became much more hardworking,haha!
lesser naggings from papa at that time was a good indication whether i was lazy or hardworking.
now i cant believe that i could sit still and look at books, and memorise so much even.
because now even just sitting at the table where i sat usually feels so difficult.
it just makes me feel like turning around to see the computer screen or tv.
maybe its just because exams are over, so everything is in the slower mode.
yupp, exams over, but there are more to come right?=)
just hope i would be able to adjust back properly at an appropriate time.

holiday time is nice.
there are not too much worries,though ofcourse there still are some,
nothing much to rush for.
and since mum is on leave,
everyday feels like sunday.

xmas is coming, and then its the end of 2008.
then i will have to remind myself to write the correct dates when sch reopens.
what sch?
it feels so different now.

2008-12-11T16:39:00.002+08:00

HELLO=)

changed my blogskin...
still something simple.....=)

2008-11-28T17:59:00.002+08:00

few days ago went out with meixin anna and joy...=)
had lunch together & after that i didnt feel alright,..
maybe because ate till too full...
(but last time i could eat more than what i ate and feel fine.....argh, my system getting worse already,must control =x...& we seemed to eat lesser than the other tables where they put so much food...haha!=) )
oh...and we gave joy her present and card...and also yiting x)..hope they like it!=)
anna and i made the cards together last week and to me, it's very nice..haha=)
maybe next time can open a card-making company or what, then can compete with the '$20 card' =X
& thankyou anna for your card!=)it's so nice & sweet! =)
felt sad after i read the card and after reading through joy's blog....=(
4 years passed so quickly. =(

anw.....2 days ago went to expo to buy gor's clothes and to walk around =)
after that we went to ikea to eat...=)
haha! yupp, to eat and not to buy furniture.....
that's how my family is, we look for food first!=))))
came back feeling so tired.....

today went to nuh to accompany mum for her check up......=)
we went there around 9am...then went food court to eat..=)
then after that around 12pm, we went back to eat again ...=))
visited aunty after that.......

hmm........watching tv programmes ltr =)

argh.december is coming~!

bye! =)

2008-11-21T21:02:00.000+08:00

2008-11-14T15:10:00.003+08:00

o levels are over.

finally, but when the time comes, it just doesnt feel like how i thought it would be.
maybe, 期待的感觉还是比较好。
there's a more relaxed feeling.
but it makes me sad somehow.

yesterday went out with anna & mx =)
on the way there, it rained and the place was having a little of flooding...
luckily anna had an umbrella...
but it was fun with the other two, not so 尴尬.
& anna was very high ....hahaha, she can sing every song=) got hidden talent!
mx can sing well too=)
so....after that we walked around and then went home.
but came back having a headache....=X

dont know what esle to do now.....

hmm.

bye! =)

2008-11-07T16:40:00.002+08:00

happy 18 th birthday gor!

sometimes feel guilty about taking up so much of his time.
makes me feel so fortunate that i am the younger one.

anyway, there's three mcq papers left for o levels.
so fast right, some time ago, i kept trying to push it away..
but now, it's going to be over soon.=)
something to be happy about, yet something to be sad about too.

有些感动，不是你要就能得到的。
有些感动，对于别人，不算什么，不过对于自己却相反。
有些感动，不只是要用眼泪表示出的。
有些感动，是世界上能让你开心地其中一件事，
有些感动，却也只能持续一下。
有些感动，过了也只能放在记忆里，
因为这些感动，不会再出现了。

我想起了好多好多，
可以让我开心的，
也有些让我感到心酸。
以前的自己，
和现在的自己，
随着时间改变了，
不过还是有一些永远属于自己的那特别的一点。
不会改变。

开心的时候，
可以很快乐，很享受，
难过的时候，
却也会很痛苦，很难受，
你想要多少的快乐，
也必须要那么多的痛苦。

有些关系，
即使有多少得开心或痛苦，
依然是一样的关系，
不会变。
却也有些关系，随时也能变。

有一种默契，不是你想要就能培养出的。

2008-10-13T16:52:00.002+08:00

好多的起起落落，落落起起。

2008-09-02T18:04:00.002+08:00

要那些记忆，却学不会放手。
不要那些记忆，你舍得吗？

hello,

the one week holiday is here,
but everything is moving so quickly,
it's going to end soon.

i keep thinking back , and thinking and thinking,
about some things that happened in the past.

will there be a difference?
at that time, i did that,
if it was now, what will i do?
sometimes i am surprised at what i did last time too.

and all those things and events,
the more i think about them,
the more they stay in my head,
the more i remember them,
the more i feel i shoudn't.

but still i know,
all of them are very valuable.
i wont forget that easily,
even if i did,
some other things around me would always remind me of them.
they can make me feel sweet, sour, bitter and so on....

coincidences.
even if you dont want to believe, you still have to.

2008-08-19T22:28:00.002+08:00

=(

saturated.

=(

=(

=(

2008-08-11T16:14:00.003+08:00

each time i come here,
i dont know what i should write.

there are many things, but i dont know which one is suitable, so in the end i just delete whatever i typed.

some things,
i treasure,
but as time passes by,
i know,
its getting further & will be gone soon.
it isnt just about wanting to hold on to it,
it is also about,
whether its holding on to you.

interpretions & relations.
aren't they scary?

2008-07-27T17:14:00.002+08:00

那是曾经，现在，还是一直都在？

2008-07-14T17:16:00.007+08:00

ndp preview on saturday =)
went with anna joy & clara...

the nicest part! =)
dont know why, but everytime i talk about this, i still feel as excited as when i watched it.
the black knights were really very very very nice!!!!
i love their performance the most..
their coordination and everything..
made me feel super gandong.
aww... their mo qi!

that's all for saturday!

2008-07-10T22:43:00.002+08:00

hello =)

it's coming to the end of the week again.

monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday.
the weekdays pass as fast as the weekends.

haha, like so luosuo.

anyway,
looking forward to this saturday..
going for a church wedding in the aftnoon, & going to watch the ndp preview! yay yay yay!
mummy got the tickets=)
but they arent going to go since they attending the wedding dinner,
so so far i have asked anna & joy along! mx is replying me tmr! hope she can go!
i rmb last year, i like the fireworks! becuase it felt like they were falling onto me,
its a scary yet beautiful thing.
hmmm...actually, i dont know how to make my way there...hahaha..
esp when my parents arent going,
but luckily, still have the others that are good with directions...oh,and....
when papa said,'ask them along, anyway its already the last year, sec4'
it made me feel so sad.....
i think i am letting alot of things just move past me, without me being able to stop it. maybe i could, but still, it's difficult.
but also, along the way, i am gaining different things as well. =)
its the same, but just that it seems like i am just more concern about what i am losing.
that's always the case right?

失去后比拥有踏实了

得到的，失去了，扯平了。

& i realised...
'something that's similar'..
hmmm..

maybe its because,

you are quite like you.
still, you are quite different from you.

no 2 persons can be the same.

you, & you, & there's still another you.

okay okay, that's all!

bye!

hello, .............................

2008-07-06T16:42:00.001+08:00

restless.

2008-06-29T15:25:00.003+08:00

common test is over & it seems like smtg big even though there are more to come....=)

school reopened.

such a weird feeling.
it seems lacking in smtg.

it seems like a stranger & no longer the comfortable feeling.
i fear.

the safety and comfort zone that is constantly been built up and torn down over & over again.

just like the feelings that have fallen and risen again and again.

changes.

ltr going for dinner =)
eat eat eat!

2008-06-18T16:39:00.002+08:00

some things that were not important to you last time, may now be so important and significant to you.

tonight going for family dinner =)
looking forward to eating!

2008-06-12T17:10:00.002+08:00

happy birthday mummy! =))

feeling so restless!!

& i had a dream last night...erm..or was it in the early morning?
rmb it slightly only..
but it made me feel super fickle-minded.
argh.

ohya.....that day i watched garfield...
just some thoughts.
hmm..felt odie was like..hmm..very gong gong..haha!
maybe he wants to just be nice and accept whatever way garfield treats him..
like pushing him off the sofa? haha... that part was so cute.
but felt abit bu gong ping ..like..the feeling of being swindled?
hmm..he accepts...and accepts..and gives... but never takes.
i wonder what he is thinking about?
and i wonder why he can't talk?
just curious to know how he feels.

some things, aren't just about being nice.

it's faraway already, right?

what do i hope for anyway?

2008-06-09T15:37:00.002+08:00

my energy level is decreasing...
ohno.

hmm.. distractions. and i always fall to all those temptations.
my determination is always shaky.

hmm...why do i keep deleting what i just wrote here?

anyway, gor went for his obs yesterday...
he's mean at times but i still do miss him..
sometimes, its just feels better to have another one more person walking around.
presence.
but nvm, he's coming back home soon & all the quarrels and fights will start again.
haha.
siblings.
sometimes i do enjoy all these quarrels.
nice memories. even if it is over childish matters. x)
the best thing is, no matter what, after all these quarrels, fights... the relationship never changes.
that's it with family people.=)
no matter what, the reltionship is always there.
when it's hurt, it can recover soon.

it's scary with other kind of relationships though.
once it's over, it's over.
hurt and scarred...maybe for a loooooong time.
so difficult.

hmmmmm..

coincidental concidences.
coincidental?

2008-06-05T16:12:00.002+08:00

ouch.

actually i dont have anything i want to say here.

slowly its fading...

2008-06-03T15:09:00.002+08:00

hello =)

yesterday:

met meixin at j8 in the afternoon..
an afternoon of decision makings. =(( stressed.
walked all around and looked at things we know we can't buy..
walked into ntuc thrice before we finally decided.
hahaha. no choice too anyway.
we bought the items and it seemed like we were those young kids shopping because it is going to 世界末日soon..haha! meixin held the two big packets like she was hugging rice. =)
and we bought a number of snacks..
budget budget...!!
calcualated the price and everything before we decided to buy...
haha..and mx says time-out chocolate is '时间到'。
after buying, we again 无家可归。
in the end went to the void deck near my house and we satrted all the wrapping.
hmmm...tried my best at wrapping but still really cannot..
but overall still looks okay. hope so.
and in the end there was still the wrapping paper left even though we thought it wasnt enough and changed the way we wrapped in between.
hmm...and the leftover snacks all went to ourselves =)
i took 3 of the 时间到！

finally we finished writing the names, then it was time to go back home!
our area was having the water maintenance thing so no water for a little while & papa kept a lot of extra water just in case.
felt very guilty that i wasnt around to help him because he was looking very tired. =(

today:

nothing much..........
quite a boring day so far..

thats all.
bye!

2008-05-30T18:13:00.002+08:00

phy spa today was difficult.

i have so much more to say but i can only start with that sentence.

i dont know how i should continue.

now i am feeling..a weird kind of feeling.
suddenly, why does it seem to be the opposite?
i thought, i thought i would be feeling another way, maybe touched? happy?
then i realised, no.
because it didnt turn out the way i thought it would be.
even if i am saying it like this now, maybe you wont understand what i am saying.
but should i go into details?

why do i feel like i have gone on this long roller coaster ride..with all the ups and dowsn,
and i thought it would be stronger.
but turns out, when the rollar coaster ride stops, and pple get down the ride, its a change?

does it only happen in trouble times?
i dont know what type of feeling i felt,
disappointed? unhappy? expected?

some things are so showy.
done to be shown.

is this a competition? the competition to last?
why?

what we always say , do we mean it?

why does it feel like now, its only 'at the moment'?
after that, everything disappears.

'i feel so bad..i feel so bad;. maybe i dont feel that way at all?
just for the sake of saying it?

all those pretentious words.
i said them too.
which one were the real ones?
and which ones were said for the sake of saying?

why do i feel much more irritated at those times,
isit just an excuse for me?

maybe i should learn to accept.
not everyone will react in the same way?

upset.

maybe thats how i feel.

i dont like it.

how often do i say it?

i changed blogskin.

celebrate life's moments.

i liked it, becuase i felt so far everything was well, nice and =)...

i dont like today.

must there always be this?
where one thing blows pass and another always replaces it.

or is it just psychological?
soemthing ci ji?
something 'fun'?

and btw..

those timing,

11:11

they say it means someone is thinking of you.

4:44

someone is scolding you.

today i saw 4:44.

but anyway, i think i hate all this time.
i hate 11:11.
its fun.. to look and realise its that time.

but now i feel it just reminds me of what it means. and thats it only.

i hate.

strong word?
i rmb last time when i was writing all those profile thing..i always wrote 'dislikes', but never hate. i thought hate was too strong a word.

HATE!

hm?

PEOPLE DO CHANGE RIGHT?

look at what i believed in last itme and now,
look at what i liked last time and now.

i CHANGED.

tmr is mx's birthday,

happy early 16 th birthday mx!

this reminds me yet again of the thing i am upset about..
i wish it would all be over.

2008-05-27T20:17:00.002+08:00

hello,

today went back to sch for conquer o.
it wasnt as tiring as i thought it would be..
2 hrs of lessons then there were breaks and time passed quite fast.

i havent learnt it yet.
i still cant afterall,
all those,
i thought i learnt and i felt better..
i thought i was able to do it,
not to be so 计较，& having a 平常心，看得开..

it isnt a nice holiday.

2008-05-18T17:56:00.002+08:00

hello..=)

these few days keep coughing..
and the floor at home is so dusty... my feet turned 'black' while walking around the house..
dust flying everywhere?

completed it on friday when i came home..
so tiring but after seeing the end product, its =) its cute colourful & cheery, but might not be as nice. hope it will be okay..=)

sad things happening around...hmm...

yesterday just happened to watch a small part from a show..
it came out clearer. an empty shell.

有时候越走越远的时候，如果发现自己掉了东西，应不应该去捡？
要捡，是为了希望能再有同样的感觉？
结果，只剩下回忆？

getting scolded.
scolded,scolded,scolded.

2008-05-11T18:34:00.002+08:00

happy mothers' day!

2008-05-10T18:56:00.002+08:00

hello,

this afternoon went for housewarming..
the house was quite nearby ours so we walked there and reahced in about 5 mins only...
nice house, and nice food..

hmm...but somehow dont have the mood...
feeling very sad..
life is so fragile..
maybe last time i knew about this phrase but never really felt anything..
but yesterday when i heard that piece of saddening news, it shocked me...
scared me alot.
what if one day i dont have all those i love around me anymore?
what will i do?
life is short...
one moment the person you love could be well and fine, & the next moment it is a different story.
unexpected, unpredictable.

treasure those around you!

i will now, even more...

while what we are worrying aobut now seems like a huge thing, to others, what they have to face is even more.

appreciate.
i will now,
even much much more.

thankyou so much, &
i love you.

happy early mothers' day! =)